I slept like a baby.....always did when I was sober. I love sleep!!
My fight will begin at 3 PM today. I have to remember how amazing I feel right now, in this moment, so that I feel it again tomorrow morning.
I'm settled in my new house. I love it. It's peaceful.
Monday 10 June 2019
Sunday 9 June 2019
My Very First Blog Post 2012
It's hard to believe that I've been struggling with alcohol since 2012. Well, I'm sure there were a few years of struggles before that but I have been trying to quit since then. Here's my first blog post. It amazes me to realize that I still feel the same way.
Day 1....My Final Fight
I find myself turning to the blogging world today in another fight against my own self.
It's not the first time that I write a posted entitled "Day 1". I've actually had a few of these titles. This is my 4th true attempt at breaking the vicious cycle that has found me, once again, trapped in a spiraling world of chaos, depression and anxiety.
The longest bout I've ever had at being sober was 1 year and 7 days.....total of 372 days. That was back in 2014 (my 3rd attempt at getting sober). I loved that year. I loved that I got to sleep regularly. I loved that I was at my most healthiest me! I loved being at peace in the world. I loved being in the moment and feeling a spiritual awakening. I loved the relationship I had with my children.
Oh...my children. I miss them. I have been on a drinking binge for over 3 years. I probably spent about 20 days of those years alcohol-free.
My daughter came to my house last night, looking for booze. She was getting ready for a party and had no money or no alcohol. I kicked her out of the house last week. It's a long story. She's been living with her dad. We haven't seen each other much. But, she knows I have booze. She looks in the fridge, in the cupboards. I have a good buzz on. I've been drinking. And she knows it. She leaves within 5 minutes without any of my alcohol.
I moved out of my partner's house last week too. I'm on my own now. I need to be on my own. I can't live with someone who likes to drink as much as I do. I have to do this alone. Well...with my blogging friends. I'm ready for change.
Things need to change. I need change. I'm tired and I'm ready to fight this war....the war against myself.
My Fight.... there are two parts to my mind, body and soul. One part wants to drink everyday, especially after 3 pm! One part hates it when I drink, especially at 2 am!....the guilt....the shame....the pain....the hangover.
It's not the first time that I write a posted entitled "Day 1". I've actually had a few of these titles. This is my 4th true attempt at breaking the vicious cycle that has found me, once again, trapped in a spiraling world of chaos, depression and anxiety.
The longest bout I've ever had at being sober was 1 year and 7 days.....total of 372 days. That was back in 2014 (my 3rd attempt at getting sober). I loved that year. I loved that I got to sleep regularly. I loved that I was at my most healthiest me! I loved being at peace in the world. I loved being in the moment and feeling a spiritual awakening. I loved the relationship I had with my children.
Oh...my children. I miss them. I have been on a drinking binge for over 3 years. I probably spent about 20 days of those years alcohol-free.
My daughter came to my house last night, looking for booze. She was getting ready for a party and had no money or no alcohol. I kicked her out of the house last week. It's a long story. She's been living with her dad. We haven't seen each other much. But, she knows I have booze. She looks in the fridge, in the cupboards. I have a good buzz on. I've been drinking. And she knows it. She leaves within 5 minutes without any of my alcohol.
I moved out of my partner's house last week too. I'm on my own now. I need to be on my own. I can't live with someone who likes to drink as much as I do. I have to do this alone. Well...with my blogging friends. I'm ready for change.
Things need to change. I need change. I'm tired and I'm ready to fight this war....the war against myself.
My Fight.... there are two parts to my mind, body and soul. One part wants to drink everyday, especially after 3 pm! One part hates it when I drink, especially at 2 am!....the guilt....the shame....the pain....the hangover.
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